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Chapter 14
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Dibs in Search of Self, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Therapy, Empathy, and Non-Judgment
Parental Expectations vs. Self-Determination
Trust and Security
Intelligence vs. Emotional and Social Skills
Summary
Analysis
The following week, for Dibs’s 10th session, he says that he has planned what he wants to do. He sets up the dollhouse and places the mother, father, sister, and brother dolls in the house. Dibs then walks over to the window and says he can see so many wonderful things. Dibs explains that sometimes he is afraid of people, but sometimes he isn’t—like when he’s with Axline.
Dibs continues to battle with mistrust of others. However, only through building trust with Axline and the environment of the playroom is Dibs then able to extend some of that security to the outside world; his new confidence demonstrates the positive effects of that trust.
Themes
Returning to the sandbox, Dibs digs a hole there and says that someone may or may not be buried there. Dibs then says that while his grandmother has always loved him, his father has not always loved him. But his father likes him better now and talks to him more. Dibs then starts to talk about a microscope he got for his birthday before reiterating that he feels safe with Axline.
Dibs’s assessment of his father and grandmother reveal the importance of unconditional love in his life. It is why he is open and loving towards his grandmother, who does not judge him, versus cold and distant with his father, who criticizes him. Additionally, Dibs’s retreat to the microscope is another instance of using intellectual concepts to avoid engaging with his emotional struggles.
Themes
Dibs goes to the dollhouse and acts out a story. He says that the mother is out for a walk and the sister doll is away at school. The father doll is in the house alone. The father unlocks the boy’s room and the boy runs out of the house because the boy doesn’t like locked doors. Dibs says that the father then goes out for a walk because he doesn’t know what to do, and he buys a microscope from a toy store down the street. When the father calls for the boy, the boy comes running in, bumps into the table, and almost knocks over the lamp. The father says the boy is a “stupid, silly child and he [is] ashamed of him.” The boy then runs out of the house again.
This story demonstrates the toxic dynamic between Dibs and his father. While Dibs doesn’t say so, it becomes relatively clear that much of this story is true—particularly given the detail about the microscope, which his father did in fact give him. His father seems to feel conflict between trying to love his son and making sure that Dibs can live up to his expectations. In addition, Dibs’s father also struggles with his own ability to connect emotionally. When he doesn’t know what to do about Dibs running away, he bizarrely buys him a present meant to improve his intellect (the microscope) rather than trying to engage with Dibs and express love.
Themes
Dibs imagines that when the mother returns to the house, a giant boy comes along—so big that nobody can hurt him. The giant boy locks the windows and doors. Then the father starts smoking his pipe and the house catches on fire, but the family can’t get out. They scream and scream, and the little boy sees them and can’t save them; Dibs starts to cry as he says this. Axline asks if Dibs is upset because the father and mother are locked in the burning house, and Dibs says he’s crying because he feels “the hurt of doors closed and locked against [him].” Axline puts her arm around Dibs.
This episode underscores the importance of Axline’s non-judgmental approach to Dibs’s therapy. Rather than punishing or judging Dibs for acting out the deaths of his parents, she instead provides a comforting arm around him and simply tries to understand his feelings. This allows Dibs to understand that he doesn’t actually hate his family; instead, he dislikes the way in which they punish him and simply wants them to understand the hurt that they have caused him.
Themes
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After a moment, Dibs brushes away his tears and uses the boy doll to save the mother and father doll. He unlocks the doors and puts the fire out. Dibs returns to Axline, smiling faintly, and says that he didn’t let the family get hurt. He then says his parents used to lock him in his room, but they don’t do it anymore. He also returns to the sandbox and fills up the hole he dug earlier.
Dibs’s reaction to his violent reoleplaying demonstrates the benefits of Axline’s empathetic response: filling up the hole indicates that he no longer wants to “bury” his family, as he considered doing earlier. Dibs is able to express these difficult emotions toward his family, but he is also able to move past them.
Themes
Axline thinks that the locked doors in Dibs’s life have brought him intense suffering, as they have deprived him of love, respect, and understanding. Dibs drinks briefly from the nursing bottle, but then he says he doesn’t need it anymore—that he’s a big boy now. Then Dibs backtracks, saying sometimes he may want to be a baby again. When Dibs leaves the playroom, Axline notes that Dibs seems to leave behind some of the sorrowful feelings he uprooted there.
Axline recognizes that the locked doors were a punishment that inadvertently prevented Dibs from feeling acceptance and love. Dibs’s final comments during his session indicate that he is learning to accept all of the parts of himself, and the safe environment of the playroom is allowing him to begin to heal from his painful childhood experiences.
Themes
