The Full Text of “My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun”
1My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -
2In Corners - till a Day
3The Owner passed - identified -
4And carried Me away -
5And now We roam in Sovreign Woods -
6And now We hunt the Doe -
7And every time I speak for Him
8The Mountains straight reply -
9And do I smile, such cordial light
10Opon the Valley glow -
11It is as a Vesuvian face
12Had let it’s pleasure through -
13And when at Night - Our good Day done -
14I guard My Master’s Head -
15’Tis better than the Eider Duck’s
16Deep Pillow - to have shared -
17To foe of His - I’m deadly foe -
18None stir the second time -
19On whom I lay a Yellow Eye -
20Or an emphatic Thumb -
21Though I than He - may longer live
22He longer must - than I -
23For I have but the power to kill,
24Without - the power to die -
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Introduction
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“My Life had stood a Loaded Gun” is a poem by the 19th-century poet Emily Dickinson. The poem contains one of Dickinson's most iconic images as its first line (and also as its title—because Dickinson didn’t title her poems, they are often referred to by their first lines). Written around 1863, the poem is ambiguous and could be read in a multitude of ways. However, many scholars have agreed on an interpretation of the poem in which the Loaded Gun functions as an extended metaphor for the speaker, while the Owner represents the speaker's inner rage.
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Summary
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My life felt like it was a loaded gun, unused and set aside in a corner until one day the gun's owner came in, noticed me there and took me away.
Now we wander outside in the woods together, hunting female deer. When the gun is shot, it feels like the owner and I are one and I'm acting out his wishes. The gunshot echoes through the mountains.
I smile during these instances, and the light from my smile glows upon the valley like a volcanic eruption glows with lava.
When it's night, when our day is over, I protect and watch over my master. This duty is more fulfilling than sleeping beside him and sharing a pillow.
I'm dangerous to his enemies because I kill them on the first try. I aim, they look into the barrel of the gun, and a certain thumb pulls the trigger.
I might live longer than the owner, but he actually has to outlive me because I can only kill. I don't have the power to die.
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Themes
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Power, Rage, and Gender
“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun - ” is an ambiguous poem open to multiple interpretations, but perhaps the most common deals with the power of anger. The poem contains one of Dickinson’s most iconic images, with the speaker being the “Loaded Gun” of the title and the “Owner” functioning as an extended metaphor for the speaker’s inner rage. By separating the speaker and the speaker’s rage into these two distinct characters, the poem explores the control that rage has over the body. At the same time, though, the poem suggests that rage provides a power the speaker alone does not possess. In other words, the poem suggests the speaker’s tendency to get carried away by anger, but also that only through that anger can the speaker feel powerful.
This reading takes on further resonance when considering that the anger in the poem is personified as being male; if readers interpret the speaker to be a manifestation of Dickinson herself, and as such that the speaker is female, then it’s possible to take the poem as a specific testament to women’s dormant rage, and how anger is the only way for the speaker to feel a sense of power in a male-dominated society.
The speaker introduces the metaphor of her life as a “Loaded Gun,” detailing a meaningless, powerless existence before the appearance of the Owner—which, in this reading of the poem, can be understood as a reference to the speaker’s anger. The specific wording of “carried away” further suggests how much control anger exerts over the speaker, since people are often described as being “carried away” by intense emotions.
As the day proceeds from hunting to sleeping, the poem expands from the Owner’s control of the speaker into the power it affords the speaker. While “hunt[ing] the Doe,” the speaker “speak[s] for Him” (with “Him” perhaps being a personification of the speaker’s anger) and “The Mountains straight reply -.” This evocative image alludes to an echo caused by a gunshot, and by doing so, shows the magnitude of the speaker’s power when dominated by rage. So loud is the speaker’s voice when bolstered by anger that it reverberates throughout the “Mountains.” At the same time, it suggests that this rage is at odds with women's expected demeanor; a "Doe" is a female deer, often taken as a symbol of innocence and beauty, yet the speaker hunts this creature. Perhaps this means that only by suppressing the stereotypically feminine side of herself can the speaker assert her power.
In any case, having experienced the enticing power that the Owner’s control endows, the speaker allows him to gain full dominance: the speaker in line 14 now calls the owner "My Master.” Basically, the speaker feels powerful when angry, and as such fully submits to (or is "mastered by") rage. When the “good Day [is] Done,” the speaker “guard[s]” the “Master” while sleeping, an arrangement indicating both the speaker solidifying her devotion and the speaker protecting and tending to her rage.
The poem ends by emphasizing the extent of the Master’s control over the speaker, suggesting the speaker couldn’t survive without rage. The poet furthers the gun metaphor by saying the speaker “may longer live,” and “[having] but the power to kill, / Without - the power to die - .” On the one hand, this metaphor might make more sense if readers think of the speaker herself as a gun—an inanimate object made of metal and designed to shoot deadly bullets. On another level, though, the metaphor suggests that the speaker is only truly living when feeling and feeding her inner rage.
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The Relationship Between God and Humanity
"My Life had stood a Loaded Gun - " is one of Dickinson’s most challenging poems. The ambiguity leaves it open to varying interpretations and meanings. Many scholars of Dickinson, especially early ones, propose a reading where the Owner/Master is meant to represent the Christian God, with the speaker/gun representing humanity at large. In this reading, the speaker is saying that people are passive tools, granted purpose and power through serving God.
The temptation in poetry to equate the life of the poet with that of the poem's speaker, as well as comparing one poem to an entire body of work, is possibly what led scholars to the Christian interpretation of this poem. Emily Dickinson grew up in a religious family amidst an age of revivalism. While spiritual, she refrained from joining the church, and mulled over her doubts in letters and of course, her poetry. Many of her poems reckon with the central tenants of the Christian faith, such as eternity in "Because I could not stop for Death - ," and even expresses what could be seen as bitterness towards a disengaged God in “Of Course - I prayed - .” Therefore, though the correct meaning will never be known (and the obscurity perhaps intentional), a reading that interprets the Owner/Master as the Christian God and the speaker/gun as humanity is a probable one.
"Identified" is a key word for this reading, as followers of the Christian faith believe their true identity can only be found through God. Fittingly, the speaker’s violent devotion to her Master, willing to literally kill any "foe of his," could be seen as precisely the kind of unwavering faith prescribed to followers of Christ in the Bible.
This reading is perhaps subconsciously inspired by Dickinson’s use of the ballad verse for this poem, which uses a familiar and hymn-like rhythm. Dickinson's extensive knowledge of the Bible and traditions allowed her to mimic its written conventions, even more effective when providing a possibly sharp critique. Viewed in this light, the enigmatic last stanza could be read as Dickinson's doubt in her faith, unable to fully submit to the extent commanded of a Christian: to die for it.
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The Power of Creativity
With an opaque poem like this one, the possible interpretations or readings are endless. In addition to the Owner/Master functioning as inner rage or the Christian God, the Owner/Master could also be seen as representing a poet's creative muse, her talents and abilities. In this reading, the life of the speaker/gun (here representing a poet) is aimless, full of potential ("Loaded") yet languishing in "Corners" until the creative muse (the Owner/Master) finds her and takes control. No longer content with a life devoid of her art, the speaker's very essence is tied up with the act of creation and dependent on the muse's existence. Art gives the speaker purpose and power.
The distinct characters of the speaker/gun and Owner/Master seemingly become fractured parts of one self in this interpretation. Once found, they become so enmeshed that the speaker is able to "speak for [the Owner/Master]." The speaker's contentment with extreme violence begins to make sense when thought of in this light. The "smile" is pride in her artistic achievement, which, in turn, is portrayed as the gunshot; so powerful is her art that it echoes throughout mountains. Further, when the speaker protects her Owner/Master at night, it can be read as the poet's fierce commitment to her writing, prioritizing it over any romantic entanglement ("'Tis better than the Eider Duck's / Deep Pillow to have shared -").
This reading of the poem also takes on additional resonance if viewed as being specifically about women's art. Nineteenth-century attitudes about the expected role of women were such that a woman's art was taken as an affront to cultural values and norms, which is what the fifth stanza could seem to explore. All four lines express a determined confidence and profound rage ("To foe of His - I'm deadly foe - / None stir the second time - ").
The final stanza then brings up an anxious weight perhaps experienced by all artists. Without her muse, her spark of inspiration, the speaker simply could not survive (Though I than He - may longer live / He longer must - than I - "). The added context of 19th-century women artists' struggle for recognition, acceptance, and even survival elucidates the poem's heaviness and high stakes.
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Line-by-Line Explanation & Analysis of “My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun”
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Lines 1-4
My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -
In Corners - till a Day
The Owner passed - identified -
And carried Me away -The first line of "My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -" launches the poem into its extended metaphor through its striking introduction comparing the speaker's "life" to a "Loaded Gun." Note that the speaker is not just a gun, but a loaded one, a difference that suggests a dormant capacity for destruction.
Dickinson's use of capitalization to emphasize the two parts of the metaphor ("My Life" and "Loaded Gun") visually reinforces the comparison, while the dashes before and after "a Loaded Gun" literally sets this phrase apart from the rest of the line. This emphasis is also made through the first line's rhythm: the line is made up of regular iambs (poetic feet with an unstressed-stressed beat pattern), but this steady rhythm is partially interrupted by the caesura created from the dash before "a Loaded Gun":
My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -
This caesura forces a pause in the middle of the line, and in doing so emphasizes the importance of the "Loaded Gun." Dickinson also uses consonance to great effect in this line, with the heavy, thunking /d/ sounds almost mimicking the sound of a plodding, 19th-century gun.
My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -
Another dash functioning as a caesura breaks up line 2:
In Corners - till a Day
The purpose here seems to be a dramatic shift, separating before and after that fateful "Day" that ends line 2. The enjambment between lines 2 and 3 then adds speed and urgency to the phrase "till a day," which, even without the enjambment, already conveys anticipation. That enjambment pushes the reader straight into line 3 and the introduction of the character of the "The Owner," who transforms the speaker by noticing her (she has been "identified"), and then "carrie[s]" the speaker "away."
As in the first line with "a Loaded Gun," line 3 uses dashes to set off "identified," adding extra emphasis to the word. This implies being noticed—seen—was of great importance to the speaker. The consonance continues from the first line as well, the thudding /d/ sound echoing in lines 2-4: "till a Day / The Owner passed - identified - / And carried ..." Finally, this first stanza is one of only two in the poem that rhyme. In this stanza, Dickinson uses an ABCB rhyme scheme: "Day" ends line 2 and "away" ends line 3.
Altogether this stanza expands on the loaded gun metaphor, as the speaker recounts an empty and powerless existence before the appearance of the Owner. This implies that the speaker has been lying idle until—depending on the reading—the speaker’s anger, God, creative muse, or otherwise gains control. To that end, the speaker describes being alone and useless, hidden away “In Corners” until the Owner “carried [the speaker] away.” This image serves to highlight the speaker’s lack of agency, as the speaker is taken by, rather than leaves with, the Owner.
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Lines 5-8
And now We roam in Sovreign Woods -
And now We hunt the Doe -
And every time I speak for Him
The Mountains straight reply -
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Lines 9-12
And do I smile, such cordial light
Opon the Valley glow -
It is as a Vesuvian face
Had let it’s pleasure through - -
Lines 13-18
And when at Night - Our good Day done -
I guard My Master’s Head -
’Tis better than the Eider Duck’s
Deep Pillow - to have shared -
To foe of His - I’m deadly foe -
None stir the second time - -
Lines 19-24
On whom I lay a Yellow Eye -
Or an emphatic Thumb -
Though I than He - may longer live
He longer must - than I -
For I have but the power to kill,
Without - the power to die -
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Symbols
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Doe
It is possible to see the "Doe" being hunted in line 6 as being a symbol for women or femininity in general—a "doe" is the name for a female deer. The validity of this argument is bolstered by the fact that a woman, Emily Dickinson, wrote this poem in an era before women held many rights. Dickinson's devotion to her craft was uncommon for women at this time, a time where the expectation for a woman was a wifely devotion to a husband, children, and family.
Reading the poem in a way where the Owner/Master isn't the speaker's own inner rage, but rather inner poetic voice or muse, lends credence to the argument of the speaker, together with her muse (the Owner/Master), working to destroy the notion of what's expected of a woman. Therefore, the "Doe" being hunted could represent that feminine ideal—the society of that time's expected role for a woman—which the speaker takes pleasure in obliterating.
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Poetic Devices & Figurative Language
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Anaphora
Anaphora appears a few times in the poem, specifically with the repetition of the word "And" at the start of six lines. This creates a hymn-like rhythm, fitting for the overall ballad meter of the poem.
As previously noted in this guide, the repetition of this word creates a rather hypnotic, lulling effect—one that possibly alludes to the power the Owner has over the speaker. This anaphora—technically also an example of polysyndeton—also may bring to mind the Bible, as biblical Psalms famously feature the same device. As such, the repetition of "and" in this poem creates a sense of reverence and solemnity, once again emphasizing the level of control that the Owner has over the speaker.
However, the most significant use of this anaphora occurs where the lines begin not just with "And," but with "And now We." The repetition places a special emphasis on these lines, and is perhaps why Dickinson chose to use it here. It is in these lines where the speaker and Owner become a single unit. The first stanza has "My" and "Me" used as the speaker's pronouns, and the Owner is introduced as a distinct, separate character. That they have become a "We" by the beginning of the second stanza is important in understanding the relationship between the speaker and Owner, since once he "carrie[s] [her] away," she gains the power to "roam" and "hunt." However, the speaker doesn't do these things alone. Only when she's with the Owner as a unit, as a "We" does she "now" have these abilities. Using anaphora highlights how much changes for the speaker once she's under the Owner's control.
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Extended Metaphor
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Personification
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Caesura
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Alliteration
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Consonance
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Assonance
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Diacope
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Vocabulary
Select any word below to get its definition in the context of the poem. The words are listed in the order in which they appear in the poem.
- Sovreign
- Doe
- Cordial
- Opon
- Vesuvian
- Eider Duck
- Foe
Sovreign-
One of Dickinson's unique spelling choices. Sovereign is the correct spelling, and means royal or supreme. It can also mean independent.
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Form, Meter, & Rhyme Scheme of “My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun”
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Form
"My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun - " is written in six quatrains—that is, six stanzas made up of four lines. The poem uses common meter, which is typically associated with a poetic form called the ballad. Most traditional English ballads employ a constant rhyme scheme throughout, but Dickinson does so in just the first and last stanzas. Ballads also historically told a narrative, which Dickinson does in this poem through the story of the Owner/Master and Gun/speaker. The first stanza introduces the "characters" of the Gun/speaker and Owner/Master, with each successive stanza furthering the Gun/speaker's tale.
Dickinson's unique orthography (conventions and norms for writing a language; including spelling, punctuation, and capitalization) is on full display in this poem. Her characteristic dashes end all but 6 of the 24 lines, her capitalization stands out, and her usage of the spellings "Opon," "Sovreign," and "it's" are from an earlier era.
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Meter
"My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -" consists of alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter: four iambs (a metrical foot made up of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one) followed by three iambs. Below is an example, showing stressed and unstressed syllables with the | symbol demarcating the metrical feet:
My Life | had stood | - a Load- | ed Gun -
In Cor- | ners - till |a DayDickinson stays mostly faithful to this meter structure. While this meter usually involves the consistent rhyme scheme of ABCB, Dickinson only employs the rhyme scheme in the first and last stanzas of this poem. This is also closely related to common meter, which is one of three types of meter found in biblical hymns. It's possibly the familiar, hymn-like rhythm that caused certain scholars to interpret the Owner/Master of this poem as the Christian God.
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Rhyme Scheme
The common meter in which this poem was written usually uses the rhyme scheme ABCB. However, "My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun - " only uses that rhyme scheme in the first and last stanzas. This link between the rhyme scheme in those two stanzas serves to link them, as well as bolster their importance within the poem. Serving as bookends, they illustrate both the speaker's birth ("identified" and "carried ... away") and eventual death.
While the other stanzas don't use a normal rhyme scheme, they're full of richness created by sonic repetition and variation using assonance, consonance, alliteration, and sibilance. Additionally, Dickinson employs varying levels of slant rhymes in the unrhymed stanzas, as in stanza four:
And when at Night - Our good Day done -
I guard My Master’s Head -
’Tis better than the Eider Duck’s
Deep Pillow - to have shared -
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Speaker
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The speaker announces herself immediately as "a Loaded Gun" in the first line, an ambiguous image that has had multiple interpretations. What's clear is the journey of the speaker/gun, as she's taken by a mysterious "Owner" after being forgotten and stowed away in "Corners." Her story progresses into a life in tandem with the Owner/Master: wandering around in nature and hunting. As the speaker/gun realizes the pleasure she derives from her own violent explosions on behalf of the Owner/Master, she becomes increasingly more devoted to him, even watching over him while he sleeps. Her protectiveness over the Owner/Master, and perhaps over her own pleasure, manifests in more violence to any enemies or detractors. The ending finds the speaker in a quandary, and reflecting on the limits of her power.
But while the speaker is comparing herself to a gun, who does the speaker actually represent? To many readers, the speaker is Emily Dickinson herself. (Indeed, this is why we've chosen to use female pronouns throughout this guide; note that the poem itself never actually grants the speaker a gender, and it's possible to interpret things differently.) Others, usually when viewing the Owner as the Christian God, feel the speaker is standing in for all of humanity. Still others view the speaker as representative of a female artist, with the Owner representing her creative muse. The pleasure in poetry is sometimes the freedom it affords through its ambiguity, leaving room for the reader's own take.
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“My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Setting
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The setting starts ambiguously in "Corners," which might mean the corners of a house but can also be more broadly interpreted as any out of the way place where the speaker goes unnoticed and ignored. Alternatively, the corners could be describing the boundaries and limits of the speaker's mind. After the speaker is "carried ... away" by the Owner/Master, the two end up outside in a wooded area surrounded by "Mountains" and overlooking a "Valley." The last physical setting described is presumably inside, where the speaker watches over the Owner/Master as he sleeps.
In a poem like this, due to its ambiguity and abstract ideas, the physical landscape—described only in spare imagery ("Mountains," "Corners")—takes a backseat to the interior one. The vague, limited description of the setting allows the reader space to consider their own thoughts and experiences within the large concepts of the poem, while emphasizing the poem's enigmatic, fable-like nature.
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Literary and Historical Context of “My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun”
Literary Context
Emily Dickinson published fewer than twelve out of the nearly 2,000 poems she wrote in her lifetime. While she gathered and arranged these poems in her own booklets (what her editors and scholars refer to as fascicles), they were rarely dated or titled. Dates for her poems are instead approximations based on careful research. This poem is placed in the year 1863, the height of her productivity—a year in which she is thought to have written approximately 295 poems.
"My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun - " touches on many recurrent themes in Dickinson's oeuvre, namely death and the natural world. Dickinson was knowledgeable in the traditions of poetry, which is apparent in how in the poem she both adheres to the ballad form while seamlessly and purposefully deviating from it at times for added meaning or emphasis.
Dickinson grew up in a household teeming with books, was well-educated, and remained a lifelong reader. Among her favorites and recognized as major influences were the works of Shakespeare, the King James Bible, and the Romantic poets, including Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Scholars speculate that Aurora Leigh, Browning's novel in verse chronicling a woman writer's struggle to break free from societal constraints, was a direct influence on this poem. What's known for certain is that Emily Dickinson's admiration for Elizabeth Barrett Browning was so great, a framed portrait of Browning hung in her bedroom.
There's no adequate way to express Emily Dickinson's enduring influence on arts and letters, but something particularly notable about this poem in particular, is how the first line, "My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -," has inspired other works over the years. Biographies of Dickinson, studies on both Dickinson and women writers such as Sylvia Plath, even an educational book all use a form of the line as their title. The evocative, mysterious image says so much with so little, perhaps the key to its continued resonance.
Historical Context
That a poem with such seemingly violent and dark imagery was written in the middle of the American Civil War is probably not just a coincidence. While Emily Dickinson's preoccupation with death began earlier, and she doesn't ever reference the war explicitly, the Civil War forced Americans to deal with the loss of life or potential loss of life in a rapid, physical way. Raised religiously, Dickinson was already prone to examine moral and existential quandaries, as well as the follies and perils of humanity. It's unsurprising that the majority of her output was produced while Americans battled Americans over the most abominable part of our history.
As a woman writing in the mid-nineteenth century, Dickinson was unique in her utmost devotion to her work over all else. Women of the time were expected to marry, have children, and serve their church and communities. The pervasive image of Dickinson as a recluse (something more recently challenged) may possibly have stemmed from her individualism, a forced isolation due to social and political barriers impeding her from the life she desired. It's important to remember that at the time she was writing this, thought to be 1863, the United States was still 57 years away from granting women the right to vote. Whether Dickinson was or was not an actual recluse, what's certain is her exploration of an immense interior landscape through her poetry, and the way her poetry at times seems to challenge the feminine ideals imposed upon women.
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More “My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun” Resources
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External Resources
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Wild Nights With Emily — The cast of the film Wild Nights With Emily—based on Dickinson's letters—on what modern readers don't know about Dickinson.
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PBS NewsHour Feature — A short PBS NewsHour feature on the 2017 Dickinson exhibition at the Morgan Library & Museum in New York.
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Dickinson's Handwriting — An image of an original manuscript of this poem.
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The Dickinson Archive — An open-access website of Emily Dickinson's manuscripts.
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Susan Howe on Emily Dickinson — An interview with Susan Howe discussing Dickinson. It includes a reading from her award-winning book of creative scholarship, focusing primarily on this poem.
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LitCharts on Other Poems by Emily Dickinson
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