Previous
Part 6: Dear Comrade: Chapter 1
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in A Little Life, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Trauma
Identity
Success and Happiness
Friendship and Human Connection
Pain and Suffering
Summary
Analysis
One Saturday each month, Jude leaves the office early and goes to the Upper East Side. First, he visits Lucien, who recently had a massive stroke. Lucien can still speak, but his memory is gone and he’s lost control of his left side. Jude thinks Lucien likes their visits, but Jude needs to reintroduce himself each time, and sometimes multiple times each visit. When Lucien’s hands begin to shake, Jude takes them in his own, like Willem used to do with him. Sometimes Lucien drools or gurgles. Jude isn’t embarrassed for him, but he wishes he could do more to help.
Nobody in A Little Life can escape pain and suffering. Though Lucien, unlike Willem, Malcolm, and Sophie, manages to live to old age, he suffers a massive stroke that drastically diminishes his quality of life. Meanwhile, Jude continues to demonstrate his will to live. In Willem’s absence, Jude grows stronger, not weaker—he shows his strength when he takes Lucien’s shaking hands in his own, just as Willem used to do for him.
Themes
After Jude’s visit with Lucien, he walks to the Irvines’ house. At first, Jude avoided them. But on the one-year anniversary of the accident, they invited Jude, Richard, and JB for dinner, and Jude knew he should go. The dinner happened the weekend after Labor Day. Jude had just returned from a trip to Beijing for work. He’d wanted to take his mind off things by going to Beijing. But while he was being driven back to his hotel one night, he saw a billboard of Willem’s face being painted over, and he’d broken down and cut himself horribly.
In this passage, it’s revealed that at least a year has passed since Willem’s death. In the time since, Jude has made a significant effort to be a part of the world and find solace in his friends. This is a stark contrast to his early days of grief, when it seemed uncertain if he’d emerge from his state of denial at all. In keeping with one of the novel’s main ideas, that recovery isn’t necessarily linear or guaranteed, Jude experiences setbacks too, as evidenced by the self-harm he does in Beijing.
Themes
JB, Richard, and Jude arrived at the Irvines’ together. The Irvines served all of Malcolm’s favorite foods. Mrs. Irvine suggested that everyone share a favorite memory of Malcolm. JB told a story about breaking into Hood before classes resumed after Thanksgiving break. Jude told of how Malcolm had built Jude and Willem a bookcase for Lispenard Street. The dimensions were wrong, though, and the edge of the bookcase extended into the hallway. Malcom fretted over this, even though they told him it was fine. But Malcolm couldn’t be convinced, and so he remade the bookshelf. Jude told everyone that his story showed how much Malcolm respected space and his friends. What Jude didn’t say is that he overheard Willem and Malcolm talking and learned the real reason Malcolm wanted to fix the bookcase: he was worried that Jude would trip over it and hurt himself.
Note that this scene isn’t happening in the novel’s present—it’s Jude’s memory of the one-year anniversary dinner he attended at the Irvines’ house. The story that Jude shares about the bookcase is a testament to the way Malcolm was able to synthesize his passion for his career with his love for his friends, a rarity in the novel, where it’s more often the case that characters sacrifice their human connections for the sake of ambition. Above all, though, the most important part of Jude’s story is that which he doesn’t tell aloud: that Malcolm’s real reason for fixing the bookcase was to protect Jude—to make sure he didn’t trip on it. Jude was never able to appreciate the accommodations his friends made to ensure his safety and protection, as he was too in denial about his condition himself. And now, it’s too late.
Themes
On their way out, Mr. Irvine pulled Jude aside and asked to talk to him. Jude agreed, and he and Mr. Irvine sat down in the living room. Mr. Irvine started to cry. He’s usually so intimidating, but that night, he wasn’t. He told Jude that he loved Malcolm; hadn’t Jude known that? Jude replied that he had. This is what Jude always told Malcolm. It caused a fight between them once, when Malcolm replied, “Like you’d know anything about that, Jude.” Malcolm was immediately horrified at his cruelty and begged Jude to forgive him. As Jude sat beside Mr. Irvine that night, he wished that Malcolm could’ve been the one to share this moment with his father.
Like Jude, Mr. Irvine also regrets how he failed to show Malcolm how much he loved and appreciated Malcolm while he was alive. People get caught up in pride, or work, or appearances, and they forget that human connection is what matters most, and then they don’t remember until it’s too late. In their respective musings about Malcolm, Jude and Mr. Irvine gain a slight sense of closure, but it’s woefully inadequate without Malcolm there to experience it with them.
Themes
Get the entire A Little Life LitChart as a printable PDF.
Back in the present, Jude arrives at the Irvines’ house. They have a short visit today, since Mr. Irvine isn’t feeling well. Then Jude goes to an expensive bakery and buys a loaf of walnut bread. He returns to his apartment, slices the bread, and sits down to eat. But, as usual, he has no appetite.
Jude fights his body’s urge to give up on life—he goes through the motions, eating and keeping a schedule, even though he has no drive to do so.
Themes
Still, Jude makes a real effort these days to keep a normal schedule, and eating is part of this. Some days, Jude thinks he’s getting better. He keeps trying for a lot of reasons, but mostly, he tries for Harold. Jude remembers a day a little less than a year after his suicide attempt. He’d been walking along the beach with Harold at Truro, and they’d sat down, and Harold had made him promise that he wouldn’t attempt suicide again. Jude agreed. Jude’s thought about dying every day since Willem’s death. He hopes he’ll succumb to a quick, lethal infection. But since his amputation, he’s been in the best health of his life. He’s “as cured as he will ever be.”
In an ironic twist, Jude’s body is in the best shape it’s been—but this only happens after Jude no longer has anything to live for. That Jude does all this just to keep his promise to Harold is a testament to their friendship. At the same time, though, the situation raises an important issue: is Harold’s wish for Jude to live more important than Jude’s wish to die? Malcolm’s parents let Malcolm go once Malcolm’s body could no longer support life; does Harold, perhaps, owe Jude this same mercy?
Themes
Given Jude’s current condition, there’s no medical reason for him to see Andy every week, but he does anyway. Andy, like Harold, is also worried Jude will die by suicide. Most of their weekly Friday appointments are just dinner, but every other week, they begin with an exam. Since Willem died, Jude has grown scared of being touched again, and he sees this as proof that “[p]eople don’t change.” Willem always said that he was changed by caring for Jude, but everyone who knew Willem knew that Willem had always been kind, compassionate, and patient. Willem’s death was educational for Jude. For a time, he thought that being with Willem had changed him too, but now, he sees that he's the same broken person he’s always been.
Andy, like Harold, takes it upon himself to monitor Jude, ensuring that Jude stays alive—even though it’s clear that Jude has no desire to do so. Another critical detail in this passage is how Jude has once more grown resistant to touch, which he sees as proof that “[p]eople don’t change.” In other words, Jude now regards the happiness he experienced with Willem as a fluke—as reflective of something in Willem’s personality, rather than Jude’s. With this, Jude once more sees himself as the monstrous, deformed creature his abusers taught him he was.
Themes
On Friday, Jude sees Andy. Andy inspects Jude’s arms and finds no new cuts. They go to dinner afterward and catch up. Then Andy drops some big news: he’s going to retire soon. Andy promises to remain Jude’s doctor until the very end. He promises that he’ll find someone to replace him that Jude will like.
Already, Jude is barely hanging on to life. In the aftermath of Willem’s death, Jude’s appointments with Andy—even if they’re only a formality at this point—are one of the few things Jude can turn to for comfort and predictability. Without these visits, Jude will be thrust once more into uncertainty.
Themes
The next week, Jude meets Linus, Andy’s replacement. He thinks Linus looks disconcertingly like Willem. He likes Linus’s matter-of-fact demeanor. There’s nothing wrong with him at all, but he knows he’ll never be able to remove his clothes in front of Linus. Jude thinks of all the conversations he will have to have with Linus to get him up to speed, all the pages of Jude’s history Linus will have to read.
Andy is the only doctor that Jude has been able to remove his clothes in front of. This, combined with the major regression Jude has undergone following Willem’s death, makes it unlikely that Jude can make things work with this doctor. With this, yet another thing that Jude had come to depend on crumples beneath his feet, and Jude no longer has the energy to establish trust with a new person.
Themes
Jude remembers what Ana said to him all those years ago: “You have to tell someone.” Jude told Willem, but then Willem died. He doesn’t think he has the strength to tell another person. Jude doesn’t want to go to dinner with Andy after his appointment with Linus, but he does anyway. They’re silent for a while. Andy asks what Jude thinks of Linus. Jude says he doesn’t think it’ll work, and Andy starts rattling off a list of other possible candidates. This frustrates Jude, and he tells Andy to just get out of his life altogether if he’s not going to look out for him anymore. Andy tries to run after Jude, but Jude is already out the door.
In Jude’s eyes, Willem was his one and only chance at recovery and redemption. And so, when Willem died, Jude’s capacity to heal died with him. Upon realizing this, all the progress that Jude saw throughout his relationship with Willem melts away, and he becomes as closed-off, untrusting, and hopeless as he was before Willem entered his life. As Jude continues to make these realizations and regress, it looks increasingly unlikely that a happy ending is in store for him.
Themes
Jude returns home that night and turns off his phone so he doesn’t have to talk to anybody. Andy calls and texts all week, but Jude ignores him. The next night, Jude sees Harold, who is in town for an unannounced visit. Jude is exhausted and doesn’t want to see Harold. At Greene Street, Jude watches Harold eat and realizes how old he is. He wonders how much longer he can realistically expect Harold to live. “Don’t leave me,” he thinks.
Jude and Harold are basically grappling with the same fear: what will happen to me if the other dies first? But while Harold has made Jude promise not to leave him, Jude keeps his plea to Harold to himself. Harold and Jude’s similar situation raises an important question: is it any more realistic for Harold to make Jude promise not to die by suicide than it is for Jude to make Harold promise not to die of old age?
Themes
Harold tells Jude that he and Julia are thinking of moving to New York; Harold is thinking of teaching at Columbia next semester, and it would be nice to be closer to Jude, too. Jude isn’t sure what to make of this. Harold and Julia’s life is in Cambridge. He suspects that they’re only moving to New York for his sake. He tells Harold as much and insists that he’s fine. Harold is doubtful. Jude says that he’s 51 years old and can take care of himself. Harold reminds him that a person never stops needing help. Jude gets agitated and tells Harold to leave. Harold hesitates, but then he does as Jude tells him to do.
Jude is upset because he sees Harold’s move as crossing a major boundary. It’s clear, to Jude, that Harold and Julia are only moving to New York keep watch over him, and he resents them for it. Such behavior is characteristic of Jude as a younger person, as when he resented Malcolm for trying to implement ADA-compliant design elements into the Greene Street blueprints, for example. In a flash, all the inner work Jude has done to allow himself to accept help from others has gone out the window, and Jude’s recovery narrative comes to a screeching halt.
Themes
On Wednesday, Jude goes to the Whitney Museum, where JB’s retrospective is being hung. Jude examines the paintings from “The Boys” series and sees Malcolm, Willem, and himself. There’s one of Jude and Willem in their bedroom at Lispenard Street. There is Jude with Cigarette, and Jude, After Sickness. On another floor, Jude sees the series “Everyone I’ve Ever Known Everyone I’ve Ever Loved Everyone I’ve Ever Hated Everyone I’ve Ever Fucked,” and “Seconds, Minutes, Hours, Days.” Jude enters another room and, once more, sees his face: Jude in his wheelchair, Jude and Willem.
An important thing to note is the new meaning JB’s work has acquired following Malcolm’s and Willem’s deaths. Suddenly, “The Boys” series, especially, becomes both an homage to friendship and an homage to loss. JB once prioritized these paintings over his friends, and now, these paintings are all he has left (of Willem and Malcolm, at least).
Themes
JB sees Jude and says hello. Jude hugs JB and tells him how proud he is. They stand in silence for a moment, and then JB drags Jude to a far side of the gallery. He unwraps a canvas to reveal a painting of Willem. It’s the most realistic of JB’s paintings Jude has ever seen; it looks exactly as Willem had right before his death. From the way Willem is smiling in the photo, and the way he is leaning forward, Jude knows that the image depicts Willem looking at someone he loves. JB gives Jude a sad smile, and then he shows him the title card: Willem Listening to Jude Tell a Story, Greene Street. Suddenly, Jude feels faint. JB helps him around the wall to a place where he can sit. He explains that the painting is for Jude, once the show is over.
Willem Listening to Jude Tell a Story, Greene Street, has such an intense effect on Jude for multiple reasons. First, and most obviously, it depicts a hyper-realistic rendering of Willem as he appeared just before he died. Second, the painting’s subject—not just Willem, but Willem listening to Jude tell him a story—gets at the heart of what was so special, painful, and irreplaceable about Willem and Jude’s relationship: Willem was the only person around whom Jude felt comfortable to divulge the secrets of his past. And seeing this uncanny rendering of Willem now, as though poised to take in all of Jude’s secrets, is a direct, unfiltered reminder of all that Jude has lost in Willem’s death, and all that he believes he’ll never experience with anyone else.
Themes
Jude thanks JB and means it. Jude’s woozy feeling won’t leave him, though, and he hears a voice inside his head say, “Take me, take me.” Before Jude can understand what’s happening, JB has grabbed him and kissed him on the mouth. Jude recoils and pulls himself away from JB. “What the hell are you doing?” he snaps, then he turns to leave. JB apologizes repeatedly, but Jude tells him to leave him alone. He marches toward the elevators as the world around him spins. He steps inside the elevator. Jude sees Willem’s face as it appears in the painting. He imagines Willem’s face, alone in the museum, waiting all night for Jude to tell him a story. JB pleads with Jude to stop, but Jude ignores him. The elevator doors close, and then Jude is alone.
When Jude feels JB’s mouth on his, it feels all wrong; this wrongness shows Jude that it wasn’t simple human connection that made his life better for those happy years he spent with Willem—it was Willem himself. When Jude imagines Willem’s face, alone in the museum, waiting for Jude to tell him a story, he is projecting: he is really imagining what it will feel like to spend the rest of his life in silence, waiting for Willem to listen to him, and knowing that Willem will never come. In this moment, Jude seems to really come to terms with how unbearable and empty his life will be without Willem in it.
Themes
