Positivity vs. Negativity Theme Analysis

Throughout the book, Carnegie touches on the old maxim that “a drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of gall,” which is to say, it’s better to be positive than negative. In the examples he gives, it’s more helpful to affirm others’ good behavior than to criticize bad behavior. For instance, smiling can be one of the best ways to make friends; and in an argument, it’s more useful to start with common ground than to focus on disagreements. Through examples such as these, the book suggests that positivity can help win people over and make people change their behavior far more effectively than negativity can.

The book uses many examples to illustrate that positive feedback is an effective way to influence people or change their behavior. One of the first ideas Carnegie establishes is how important it is to give sincere appreciation. For example, Pamela Dunham supervised a janitor at her job whose work was quite poor, to the point that employees would ridicule him for his bad work. But when she made it a point to praise him, the next day he did the job a little bit better. Soon, he was working more efficiently, and he gained even more praise and appreciation. In this instance, appreciation improved the janitor’s work where criticism failed. Appreciation also worked for musician Stevie Wonder when, as a child, his teacher asked for his help in finding a mouse that was loose in the classroom. Though he was blind, he had superior hearing, and the teacher’s appreciation of this spurred him to hone his gift—which ultimately enabled him to become a pop music icon. Positivity doesn’t have to consist of words. In the second part of the book, Carnegie emphasizes how smiling can instantly make a person more likeable and set a relationship off on the right foot. He cites psychologist James V. McConnell, who says that people who smile “tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively.” In this way, Carnegie emphasizes that simply having a positive attitude can make someone an encouraging and competent leader.

Unlike positivity, negative criticism only fosters resentment and is therefore an ineffective technique in both business and social life. Carnegie establishes in the first chapter that no matter how wrong people may be, they rarely find fault with themselves. Thus, any criticism will be met with defensiveness. He uses the historical example of when outgoing president Teddy Roosevelt criticized incoming president Taft for being too conservative and ran against him after Taft served one term. As a result, the two of them split Republican votes, and Democrat Woodrow Wilson was elected; Taft later stated that he didn’t know what he could have done differently. Thus, Roosevelt’s critiques were ineffective: he harmed both his and Taft’s political ambitions, and he failed to inspire Taft to change. It’s also important to call attention to mistakes indirectly. Charles Schwab, an American steel magnate, saw two employees smoking directly under a “No Smoking” sign one day. He gave them each a cigar and said he would appreciate it if they would smoke outside instead. Because he didn’t directly call out their mistakes, he maintained their respect and good will, whereas criticizing them would likely have made them annoyed and defensive. Carnegie also describes a friend who was learning to dance for the first time. The first teacher he found said he was “all wrong.” As a result, he “had no incentive to go on” because she “took the heart out of [him].” His second teacher, however, minimized his errors and told him that he wouldn’t have any trouble learning, which made him feel much better and helped him improve. This again illustrates how minimizing criticism of mistakes is effective, since too much negativity discourages people.

Not only does positivity work when giving feedback, but Carnegie also shows how it is much better to stay positive and find common ground when approaching disagreements. First, Carnegie makes a distinction about arguments versus disagreements and discussions. While it is useful to have discussions, it isn’t useful to have arguments, because no one wins. Even if a person wins an argument, they’ve have made their opponent “feel inferior” and “resent [their] triumph.” In this way, Carnegie suggests that arguments are unhelpful because they only foster the same kind of resentment that criticism does. By contrast, Carnegie emphasizes several key points about how to win people to one’s ideas. They include “show[ing] respect for the other person’s opinions” rather than saying they’re wrong, “begin[ning] in a friendly way,” and finding common ground to start from that will make the other person agree with you from the beginning. For example, James Eberson, a bank teller, had difficulty with a man who didn’t want to fill out all the info on their standard form. Rather than criticizing this choice, Eberson simply asked if the man would want the bank to transfer his money to his next of kin in the event of his death. When the man said yes, Eberson noted that it would be a good idea to give the bank that person’s contact information. Continuing in this way, the man ultimately gave all the necessary information, showing how using a friendly approach and finding common ground at the outset—in other words, framing a disagreement in a positive way—are much more effective strategies than angrily debating.

Carnegie uses a fable to demonstrate his point: the sun and the wind once quarreled about who could get an old man to take off his coat faster. The wind tried first, blowing like a tornado, and the man clutched his coat tighter. When the wind gave up, the sun came out from behind a cloud, and the man pulled off his coat. With this, the book suggests that anger and negativity only make people cling to their ideas and grow resentful, whereas warmth and positivity are much more pleasant and therefore effective.