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Part 3, Chapter 12
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
Carnegie’s friend was a guest at the White House during President Coolidge’s administration. While in the president’s office, he heard Coolidge praise his secretary’s dress before commenting on how he wished she would be more careful with her punctuation. His method is clear, but it works: it is easier to listen to criticism after someone receives praise.
This chapter focuses on another aspect of the importance of positivity. Carnegie illustrates that in some scenarios, criticism is unavoidable. But in those cases, the best thing to do is to soften the blow with positivity before negativity.
Themes
McKinley and Lincoln did the same: McKinley thanked his speechwriter for a splendid campaign speech before saying it was a little too somber for the occasion and asking him to rewrite it. Likewise, Lincoln wrote to General Hooker during the darkest period of the Civil War, when the general was leading them through a period of several defeats. But before saying how dissatisfied he was with the general’s performance, he complimented the man on being a brave and skillful soldier.
It is important to note that in each of the examples, the presidents complimented people (as a great speech writer or a brave and skillful soldier) before moving on to criticize a specific aspect of their work. Not only does this balance negativity with positivity, but it also allows the men to maintain their dignity and feel important even when facing criticism.
Themes
In W.P. Gaw’s case, his company was contracted to build a large office building by a certain date, but it was held up by the subcontractor making the ornamental bronze work. Gaw was frustrated by the delay, but he visited the man at the factory and complimented the man on his work. When they sat down to lunch, the subcontractor said he was surprised by Mr. Gaw’s pleasantness, and he would make an effort to get the material to Gaw on time even if other orders were delayed.
In this case, Carnegie illustrates how sometimes—particularly when people know they have made a mistake—negativity isn’t even necessary. Instead, Gaw’s appreciation prompted the subcontractor to work harder so that he could avoid criticism entirely. This is similar to Bob Hoover’s story in the book’s first chapter, when he chose not to criticize the boy who fueled his plane incorrectly because he knew that the boy already understood his mistake and would correct it himself. Thus, Carnegie underscores how positivity works much better than negativity.
Themes
In another example, Dorothy Wrublewski, a branch manager at the Federal Credit Union, was having a problem with one of her tellers. The teller was great with customers but took too long to balance out at the end of the day. When Wrublewski approached the woman, she was nervous and upset, but Wrublewski praised her and simply reviewed the cash balancing procedures. Once the teller realized that Wrublewski was confident in her, she had no problem correcting her issues. This is why a dentist uses Novocain before drilling—people need praise before criticism.
Again, Carnegie illustrates that people often don’t mind being criticized as long as they feel valued and important. Because Wrublewski assured the teller that Wrublewski had confidence in her abilities, she was then better able to handle the criticism. By comparing this idea to a dentist using Novocain, Carnegie suggests that praise can soften the blow of criticism—therefore, using positivity first is an effective leadership strategy.
Themes
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